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Today was like any other. I woke up somewhat early (after sleeping way too much yesterday and last nite), had some toast and got ready for work. I minded my own business.
Then, via my friend Cali on Facebook, I learned of this:
Suspected child abuser Bradley Harlan Boda was arrested at his parents’ home Wednesday on felony and misdemeanor charges relating to sex assault on a child. [More...]
It took my brain a few minutes to register, and then I saw a post on Twitter from the local paper that spelled it out a little more clearly:
Rocky Mountain High School counselor arrested on charges of multiple child sex assaults
I was a student at Rocky Mountain High School from 1998-2001 and a staff member afterward through 2002. I worked alongside Mr. Boda (I still call him that) and was a student of his during my time there. Once it sunk in, I re-posted the link from The Coloradoan on my Twitter account, noting that I had worked with him.
Soon thereafter, my phone beeped with a Twitter reply from a staff reporter for The Coloradoan asking me if I’d like to be interviewed about Brad’s arrest. I deliberated about it for some time before coming to the conclusion that yes, I’d like to go on the record. Brad was always good to me, both as a counselor and as a colleague. I thought the reporter might try to go the sensationalist route, trying to get me to say something bad about him. I couldn’t, though — it’s nearly impossible to do that when you have nothing bad to say about someone.
When this sort of thing hits close to home, it’s easy to jump on the bandwagon or kick someone when they’re down. I had no interest in doing that, and if other people willing to be interviewed were, I was happy to be the lone voice that didn’t take that road. Since I didn’t take the opportunity to bash on him, I didn’t think they were going to use my statement.
But sure enough, there it was.
I have no idea if Brad did what they say he did. That’s not for me to decide. I can only speak to the person that I knew, and I feel good in doing that. He will get the support he needs, and things will work themselves out. They always do, after all.
I’ve had enough of the news for one day. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to return to my quiet life now.
UPDATE 9/24: A new in-depth article has been published by The Coloradoan today, re-using the quote from yesterday.
I would write about myself on that day: where I was, what I was doing, how I found out, my reactions … but those aren’t important, because this isn’t about me.
This is about them: 3,000 people whose voices were permanently silenced on that fateful day. We will never forget, in New York and all over the world. And we will not let it happen again. May you rest in peace. May your souls be happy and free.
I’ve been struggling to find the right words since that night. I’m not sure I have any more now. I feel much like a drowning victim — gasping for air, fighting and clawing for something, anything — and yet, finding nothing.
I could spend the next several hours writing, rewriting, erasing and yet still rewriting, but then it becomes less about the message and more about the syntax. Something would get lost, so it’s best that I save further words for a time when I have a better ability to say them. For now, I should focus on the most important thing, which is to simply say this:
Thank you for saving me. I love you.
You know that you care for someone … so much so that sometimes you feel that your heart, your soul, perhaps even your entire being will explode from this thing, this feeling that seems as if it’s too big for you to hold.
You know that you have done things for her that have forced you to step outside of your comfort zone. You know that this will, with all likelihood, continue to be the case. You’re okay with this, you really are, because you realize that ultimately, this is a good thing. She should push your limits, she should challenge you. In a way, it excites you — exhilarates you, even. You know that you don’t regret this.
You know that you would gladly step in front of traffic for her, that you would do anything to ensure that she never feels a moment of sadness, of doubt, of unhappiness. You know that nothing that’s worth doing is easy or painless.
You know that you trust her. You weren’t entirely sure of this before, but you know why that is now. You know that there’s no doubt in your mind. You know that trust is a two-way street. You know that you have to trust to love, and that without this, you’re doomed.
You know that you’re not perfect — never were, never will be. You know that you make mistakes, that sometimes you’re scared. You know this better than most. You also know that you can’t go through life afraid of yourself, your feelings or others. You know that you’re tired of letting fear dictate your feelings and your actions. You know that you can’t stand for this any longer. You know that you gave her a chance, and you can’t go back on that now just because you were afraid. You know that’s part of the gamble, part of how it goes. You know that she deserves a chance. And so do you. You know that it’s time to trust someone.
You know that you hurt her, and you hurt for it. You know that hearing her cry and knowing that you caused it is quite possibly the worst feeling in the world. You know that’s why you couldn’t sleep last nite. You know there’s nothing that can take that sting back. You know that you’ve made it more difficult for her to trust you. But you also know that you’re committed to make this right, to show her that the whole of you is much more than the snippets of you that have brought you to this situation.
You hope that she sees this, and that when she does, she’ll know what you know, and know that it’s for her. (And for you.)
To appease those of you on Facebook who have endlessly tagged me with this meme, I present to you 25 random things about me. The facts are free, the snark will cost you…
- While I’ve spent nearly my entire life here and identify as a Colorado native, I was not actually born in Colorado. (Real answer: Kansas.)
- I have a Bacon number of 3. For those of you who don’t know, the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon is a game whereupon any actor/producer/whoever in the film industry can be linked to Kevin Bacon in under six degrees. (Me -> Tales from the Crapper w/ Eli Roth -> Inglourious Basterds w/ Cloris Leachman -> New York, I Love You w/ Kevin Bacon.)
- I have never used or tried an illegal drug. I have no particular moral objection to them or those who do; I just don’t like the idea of requiring an artificial influence to enjoy myself.
- Although I’m not particularly fond of the color, I have owned three red cars.
- I participated in a Daughters of the American Revolution speech contest in fourth grade. I can’t remember what the speech was about … all I do know is that I went about seven minutes over the allotted time. Still got second place.
- Most of my friends call me Duckie. This comes from the movie Pretty In Pink and is thanks to Amy. I don’t even turn my head anymore when someone says ‘Chris’.
- I have also never smoked a cigarette or any variation of them. I consider this a byproduct of being raised by a family full of smokers.
- In front of a crowd of over 500 people, I was once jokingly introduced on stage by my then-boss as the head of our company’s chapter of NAMBLA. Despite this, I continued to work for him for nearly two years afterward.
- I have perfect vision and am not allergic to anything. Yeah, you hate me.
- I got my first taste of video production in junior high while working on my school’s TV station. We had, for its time, a state-of-the-art facility and I learned editing on a three-screen, two-VTR Panasonic deck. Since then, I’ve done freelance editing, worked on dragon*conTV and worked for a film studio for five years.
- I once did some writing for Kevin Smith of Clerks fame. I can’t take credit for the movies, though. Those are genius enough on their own.
- I lettered in high school, but not in a sport.
- I once did jello shots with Fran Drescher. She’s really quite nice, and doesn’t sound remotely like her characters on TV.
- Back To The Future Part II is my favorite film in the series. Not entirely sure why.
- I started at a new school in second grade. One kid targeted me for ridicule and it went on for months until I decided that I had had enough. At lunch, I walked up behind him and held a fork to his throat for about 30 seconds until two teachers pulled me off of him. I’m much calmer now.
- My cat is named after Detective Lennie Briscoe from Law & Order.
- I love Colorado and all, but I hate the cold and I’ve never been skiing. I should probably move somewhere else.
- I was nearly expelled during my junior year of high school for a writing I had posted on a website I had at the time, and I probably would have been kicked out had I not threatened to call lawyers at the ACLU (of which I am a member) for violating my freedom of speech.
- I started learning webdesign when I was 14. I started charging for it a year later.
- My first job was as a dishwasher at a sorority house when I was 15. Not a bad gig, but that’s the closest I ever got to food service.
- I suck at Guitar Hero, but I still enjoy it anyway.
- I can’t draw to save my life, and I’m also not that good at cooking. I would like to get better at one of these.
- I can’t go to sleep without something playing in the background. I find the silence unsettling. DVD commentaries seem to work best.
- I really don’t get the obsession that some have with professional sports and find the idea of someone making millions of dollars for knowing how to play one well mortifying. I guess there’s just some things that I’m not meant to understand.
- I’m deathly afraid of two things: heights and spiders. If you use this information to your advantage, I may have to kill you out of principle.
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